| By Jonna Rae Bartges |
The morning of our interview, Tammy Jones was her usual bubbly, funny, beautiful, thoughtful self. The beloved long time co-host of the Mix 96.5 morning show has been on a life-changing and deeply personal journey the past few months, and she was eager to share her story.
In July, her dad, who she credits with being her mentor and role model, was diagnosed with bladder cancer. The entire family was knocked for a loop, and they rallied around him. Then, three days before last October’s Making Strides Against Breast Cancer event in Asheville, which she’s championed and emceed for a dozen years, Tammy learned she herself had breast cancer.Shocked and overwhelmed by the news, Tammy and husband Brett decided to keep it private until they both had a chance to wrap their heads around what it all meant.
“It was tough being out there the day of the breast cancer awareness walk with that diagnosis, and also humbling,” Tammy said. “You see these women who have been through it, and they have come out the other side. You see women who are starting the journey. A woman who had just undergone a bilateral mastectomy and was going to start chemo spoke at the event.” Tammy felt strengthened by the powerful sisterhood the women shared – those who battled the disease, and the women and men who supported and loved them.
Tammy’s lumpectomy 10 days after the event revealed an estrogen-filled tumor. She was hopeful radiation and hormone therapy would whip it into submission.
“I had been optimistic that I wouldn’t need chemotherapy,” Tammy said, “but then the doctors found lymph node involvement. I couldn’t avoid it.” She and Brett went out of town for a few days to process the news, and plan their next steps.
Something that is quickly evident about Tammy is she openly embraces any chance to inform, educate, inspire and share. She knows her highly visible role in the community gives her a unique opportunity to be of service and raise awareness about important issues. From her tireless work for children in crisis – she herself was mercifully removed from an abusive home and placed with the loving family who would adopt her when she was 10 – to her enthusiastic support for abused and homeless animals, and so many other worthy causes, Tammy has been dubbed a “rock star.”
And like a good rock star, she decided the show was going to go on.
“When we got back, I made the announcement that this is what’s happening,” Tammy said. “We’re going to get through this together, and everything’s going to be fine. I don’t have a bilateral mastectomy followed by a year of chemo. I have four rounds of chemo, and radiation, and my prognosis is fantastic.”
With the support of her Mix 96.5 boss, Neal Sharp, and morning co-host, Dex Mitchell, Tammy courageously started sharing her experiences with her radio audience. She was candid about the most traumatic part of the journey so far – the fact that she was going to lose her trademark red tresses. She decided to donate her long hair to Locks of Love. Tammy wanted to share her conversion from flowing waves to a chic short cut, and posted the video of her visit to her hairdresser online.
“I have been identified with red hair since the first day I came into this world,” Tammy said. “I was called ‘Red’ as a kid. I’m having to learn it’s just not that important.” Tammy paused to run her hand through her newly clipped hair, and paused briefly to look at the strands that came out. She took a deep breath and continued. “You shed your hair. I see it also as shedding an image I had of myself. It strips that away, and you get to look at the next layer of who you are.” Just days after this interview, Tammy took the plunge and shaved her head. She had no sooner posted that picture online then an avalanche of friends and fans responded, liking the photo and cheering her on.
Tammy has remained overwhelmed with the immediate flood of love and support from her listeners. Words of encouragement posted on her Facebook wall, calls, letters, texts – the many expressions of concern, support and love – are all part of her healing, Tammy said. She was moved when one listener’s young daughter broke into tears when she learned Tammy had breast cancer.
Tammy herself blinked back tears describing one gift in particular.
“Kim Rodine is just extraordinary,” Tammy said. “She has osteoarthritis, and can no longer use her power sewing machine. She came by and brought me a beautiful quilt she made by hand … for me. When you have that kind of love and support … what did I do to deserve that?” Tammy sported the colorful quilt in a photo she posted on her Facebook page showing her receiving her first chemo treatment. She wrote the caption, “Wonder Woman earrings on, wrapped in a blanket of love from my bonus mom as well as a beautiful quilt made just for my journey by a lovely friend. Chemo round 1 – here we go. Tam 1 cancer 0!”
The term psychologists use for people who have endured a catastrophic event, and come through the situation even stronger, is Post Traumatic Growth. Tammy already feels her breast cancer journey is changing her life – for the better. “I never thought for a minute ‘I can’t get through this,’” she said. “I knew I had a choice – I could curl up and die, or stick my chin up and go. What’s changing for me is I’m beginning to see things with new eyes.”
“We might not realize day to day who all is around us,” Tammy said. “I have seen my diagnosis strengthen and sweeten relationships with people. It makes you stop and process and evaluate and appreciate. I’m seeing the greater value in some people, and they’re seeing the greater value in me. It’s eye opening to see how much people care.”
Besides the revelations Tammy is experiencing in her personal and professional life, she has a brand new respect for the huge strides that are being made against cancer. Before, Tammy said, even though she was an active participant in Breast Cancer Awareness events, when she heard about studies, and the pink ribbon campaign, and how a portion of the proceeds goes to some ambiguous something somewhere, the importance of the research never really registered.
“What I’ve personally experienced,” Tammy said, “is that because people have walked on these walks, and purchased things with the proceeds going to research, and companies are donating, doctors can now tell me the exact genetic makeup of my tumor. They can tell me what type of medicine will be most beneficial, which treatments would not really be effective, and what we can do long term.
“Ten years ago it was a shotgun blast, and every woman who was diagnosed had her boob cut off, and chemotherapy. Now, because of all the research, we know chemo isn’t always the best treatment. I only had to do chemo because it’s in my lymph nodes. I think in five more years we’ll have this thing nailed down. It’s really come home for me now.”
While groundbreaking research is improving the detection and treatment of breast cancer, it is the compassionate support of organizations like the Hope Cancer Center for Women that addresses the mental, emotional and spiritual needs of breast cancer patients.
“They have it down to a science now,” Tammy said. “You sit in a chemo class, and they’ll tell you what you can expect. Hope Cancer Center for Women is extraordinary. Their practice is they really do love you and care about you, and they take you through the process. For instance, a nurse practitioner tells you two weeks after your first chemo treatment, you’re going to lose your hair. She stresses that you need to plan for that day, mark it on your calendar, and decide how you’re going to take care of yourself that day.”
Hope Chest for Women, part of the Hope Cancer Center, is extraordinarily important for women who don’t have a strong support system.
“In my chemo room,” said Tammy, “I see women who don’t have any kind of assistance. They will lose their salary as they deal with this, or they don’t have someone to take them to chemo. My heart goes out to women who are trying to figure out their next steps – how will they survive, pay bills, take care of kids, do laundry, go shopping, make dinner. Hope Chest for Women will help them do all those things.”
Going through the Hope Cancer Center classes, Tammy realized how lucky she was with the unconditional support she has from family and friends, and her boss and coworkers. In the ultimate show of commitment and love, she and her husband marked their 10th wedding anniversary in one of the classes.
So often, Tammy said, people want to help those diagnosed with breast cancer, but they don’t know how. She suggested you start by looking at what they need.
“Ask yourself, what can you do to ease her load? Instead of just saying, ‘Let me know if you need anything,’ think about what you have to handle every day, and you’ll have a better idea of what would really help.” Tammy’s suggestions include:
• Offer to take her kids to school
• Take her kids to after-school activities
• Bring her family dinner
• Ask to do a load of laundry
• Pick up groceries
• Walk the dog
• Put gas in her car
“Even if she insists on paying for the gas,” Tammy said, “That’s one less thing she has to take care of. You’re taking the burden off of her so she doesn’t need to feel guilty if she just wants to lay down for a little bit. It doesn’t have to be a major thing to make a major difference for her.”
Besides helping out with chores, Tammy said, let her know you care.
“Just send her a card,” Tammy suggested. “Drop her a note that says ‘I‘m thinking about you.’ Having someone praying for you is one of the most powerful things they can do for you. Just knowing they’re standing with you helps so much.”
Tammy urged those navigating their own breast cancer journey to be specific about what their needs are. While their friends may offer to help, women battling the disease might be hesitant to accept.
“If you need a ride to chemo, ask for it. There is a gift people are trying to give you, and if you don’t accept it, you’re blocking their joy.”
For any woman who has just received a diagnosis of breast cancer, Tammy wants her to know three things.
“First of all,” she said, “you will get through this. You are not alone. And you will come out of this stronger than when you went into it.”
Listen to Tammy and Dex weekday mornings on Mix 96.5, and follow Tammy’s journey on the Mix 96.5 facebook page, and the station website at mix965asheville.com.
Author, Emmy-winner and psychic medium Jonna Rae Bartges is a frequent WNC Woman contributor. She’s balanced intuitive abilities with a career in print and broadcast news, and promotion for TV stations and clients including Disneyland, Legoland and Medieval Times. Upcoming classes include an intuitive development weekend workshop March 19 & 20. For a consultation or a complete listing of events, visit www.JonnaRae.com.
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