Women, Spirit & Money: Lessons in Self-Worth - Helping Others ‘Too Much’ Cloaks Lack Mentality and Fear of Rejection

 

By Sherri L. McLendon

 

Compassion and empathy are positive character traits, but not at the expense of our own value and self-worth. Too often, when we give too much away, we feel guilt and make decisions from a place of lack. Working with money as an unlimited energetic resource calls for healthy boundaries and discernment about actions and choices.

 

Lately, I’ve been falling into an old pattern I thought to be vanquished: helping others too much.

 

Multiple reasons exist making this is a problem for entrepreneurs. First, it means we have the tendency to give away something of worth to those who do not value it. Second, we may unknowingly create an emotional sense of debt in the receiver, who then feels she “owes” us something. Third, we could be unintentionally defrauding the other person of their own vocational process. And it follows, finally, that when we help others too much, they no longer see themselves as a potential client. But as a friend, they can come back to the bottomless well of free assistance again and again.

 

The visionaries among us are especially laden with this type of helping.

 

Vision, Consent and Boundaries

 

Many years ago, in a women’s circle, I had a vision of the need for work combining movement and money awareness. I turned to the facilitator, and said, “I just downloaded this amazing information for you; you should do it.”

 

Without missing a beat, she looked me in the eyes, and said, “No, you just downloaded that information for you. Why don’t you do it?” The point she made was well taken, one that my life reflects today.

 

The message becomes clear. To help others too much, and without their consent, is a serious boundary violation for both giver and receiver, because conscious reciprocity is missing from the start.

 

One of the after-effects from grief at the loss of my mother last September has been a softening of my boundaries, and lately those old issues I thought banished have been showing up for me again: helping others too much, giving high-value work away for free, and discounting my prices. Simultaneously, I’ve noticed that I feel my own boundaries transgressed more frequently without my permission.

 

”What we put out there returns to us,” says the voice of a former spiritual teacher, to the thoughts running through my mind, suggesting there is need for reflection and correction.

 

Boundaries and Earning Money

 

Boundary issues around “helping too much” show up in the way that we earn our money. If an entrepreneur is bartering or trading, discounting her services, changing her prices frequently from client to client, backs down from her fee, or decides for someone else what they’re willing to pay, boundary issues are likely at play. Our compassion and empathy for others may hide our very real fear of rejection.

 

In fact, if we offer someone what they want and need, they will find a way to pay for it. A slight reach to the “yes,” is empowering for the client, and engenders respect. If we’re saying “They can’t afford it,” then we’re saying more about us than about the client. We may be robbing another of personal power by making a decision for them. Instead, there may be an action we need to take, a change in offer, a shift in niche, a list of potential results clients get from working with us. When we hold others as powerful, we hold ourselves as worthy to receive.

 

Money Cycles and Account Balances

 

Working with money and business from a spirit-driven perspective means that each unsustainable action we take in the world initiates a cycle of feast or famine in our lived experience in the world. To illustrate this point, let’s turn to John Randolph Price’s book, “The Alchemist’s Handbook.” I’ve adapted his work in the “Recipe for Self Worth” format to demonstrate the implications for those women who work with spirit and money in their lives.

 

In times of plenty, it’s easy to become careless with money-as-energy. If we think about “helping others” as careless energy expenditure, we may feel guilty about having given away too much of our talents and gifts. Helping others too much leaves us with a negative energetic balance in our interior depository. Then, the “not-enough” kicks in: we are not enough, there is no money, there are no clients. Lack mentality begins to drive our decision-making. We decide to self-correct by punishing ourselves, denying things like good food, self care, or time in nature, until the balance in our checking accounts – if not our self worth accounts – climbs slowly back into the black.

 

Conversely, if we work with money as a spiritual energy, we have to be conscious and discerning when it comes to expenditures. As a spiritual form, money is unlimited. Therefore, money begins to reflect back to us our value and worth. Instead of self-denial, we need to develop habits of focus, consciousness, and discernment. These types of healthy boundaries yield a divine order in our financial affairs, one in which we honor our self-worth and generate the benefits of true equal exchange.

 

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Sherri L. McLendon, MA, OM is a conscious business coach, marketing public relations specialist, and writer living in Weaverville. She owns and operates Professional Moneta International, www.professionalmoneta.com, specializing in helping exceptional entrepreneurs and executives with a higher calling accelerate their money-making communication strategies and deepen their mindfulness practices in business so they can help more people, grow personally and professionally, and improve their sense of value and worth.