By Sherri McLendon
When it comes to money, women often need to gather their courage and face their fears.
Fear erodes courage.
Money is an emotional topic for many women. We avoid it like the plague. When drama and chaos ensues, it’s sometimes easier to subjugate ourselves in our relationship with money than it is to face the emotions it brings up. However, money is currency, and it has currency. Its reflection of our inner and outer reality runs deep, flowing in and out, for better or for worse. Our primary relationship with money will last us a lifetime.
Instead of investing in a harmonious relationship with money as our partner in co-creating the life we truly desire, we divest ourselves of our power. We do this through doubt, recriminations, worry, concern, nagging others, guilt, anger, embarrassment, and resentment. We choose to be in denial about money, because… well, we’re afraid, and fear erodes courage.
Socio-economics, of course, are partially at fault. Who among us hasn’t heard? Everyone knows women aren’t good with money, or with math. Our grandmothers encouraged us to consider loving a rich man as easily as a poor one. Our fathers discouraged us from concerning ourselves with family finances. Once we were married, we were passed off to become someone else’s “problem.” Many husbands, even today, resent it when we concern ourselves with the household finances. Even enlightened husbands often expect us to put our careers on hold indefinitely when we have children.
How do you know if you’re in denial in your relationship with money?
*You choose not to look at your money situation very often.
*When spending money, you have no plan for how you’re going to pay off that debt.
*There’s a disconnect between what you want to create, and what you do.
*You live in the land of “not enough” in matters of time and affordability. “There’s not enough…,” and “I can’t afford… ” are common phrases you use.
If you are in denial in your relationship with money, then you’re giving away your power. There may be lots of reasons why. But the one that concerns us here is the fear of success. Often unconscious, fear of success shows up in our lives as a lack of momentum or self-sabotage.
How do you know if you are giving away your power with money?
First, watch the places where you feel attachment to the money itself as it flows in and out of your life. Think of your body as a battery, and the flow of money in and out as a positive or negative charge. Without looking at the amount, feel the energy of the transactions in your life. If you feel contraction in your body regarding the expense, you’re giving away your power with money. However, if you feel expansion, or a positive feeling, you know you’re standing in your power with money.
How do you recognize expansion and empowerment in relationship with money?
Watch for the places and times in your life that joy, abundance, relaxation, happiness, excitement, security, bounty, gratitude, and appreciation are enhanced by the way you energetically spend and earn. Then, choose to follow the joy when deciding how to allocate your financial resources.
Where do I start to cultivate an empowered relationship with money in my life?
The thing to remember is your current money situation actually recalls your past beliefs, choices and decisions. It does not determine your future outcomes. To get out of denial and regain your power in relationship with money, do what you’d do with any new relationship – go out on dates. Plan a special weekly money date for yourself. Look at your bills, and make decisions. Ask yourself, “What are my choices?” and “What are my actions?” It doesn’t matter if the actions are tiny. Teeny tiny actions, in the face of fear, are acts of great courage which create new habits and increased mindfulness about your relationship with money.
Are you a woman nurturing change in your relationship with money?
If there’s fear in your relationship with money, the opportunity for an empowered mindset shift is here.
When we, as women, courageously face our relationship with money, we create the change we wish to see in our world. We become role models for other women. We stand in our power and create lives we love which honor and value the collective. We become able to affect meaningful shifts in our communities, help more persons heal or develop, and initiate social change by placing our energies collectively to bring increase to whatever we wish to grow – one tiny, courageous, fear-defeating action at a time.
Sherri McLendon integrates spirituality into money mindset and marketing strategy through expert coaching and consulting. Learn more about her at