You and You Against the World

By: Maria Bollack


We are extremely social animals with many relationships enriching and complicating our lives. What are your most important relationships? Your partner? Your children? Your dog? Your job? Your money? If you want to improve your relationships start with yourself and your relationship with the universe.




Your relationship with yourself is of extreme importance, because from there all others flow. Your relationship with yourself includes how you speak to yourself, view yourself, judge yourself (or not), treat yourself, and value yourself. It’s reflected in how others speak to you, treat you, view you, judge you (or not), and value you.


We project onto others how we see ourselves, thereby providing a mirror that we might not otherwise see. The first trick is looking into the mirror with courage, conviction, and compassion. The second trick is attending to those parts that we have ignored thus far. Perhaps they need healing and expression or simply to be noticed, acknowledged, and accepted.


Your relationships with others directly reflects how you feel about yourself; the way others treat you reflects how you treat yourself. Given that, you can see how you feel about yourself by the way others treat you. This is one aspect of mirroring; by looking into the mirror so graciously provided by those around us, we glimpse our relationship with ourselves.


How we view others says much about us as well. Who they are is less important than how we see them. According to Jung, we are projecting our shadows outward; therefore, our projections land on those around us.


If, for example, our shadow harbors jealousy, we will see jealousy in people around us. Here’s a suggestion: if you find yourself encountering jealous people, own it. Rather than attempting to change them or avoid them, consider what that might say about you. Are you harboring jealousy that you would rather not admit? Were you wounded by a jealous person in your past? In either case, jealousy resides within you that must be expressed and healed.


Here’s another suggestion: be compassionate with whatever you see in the mirror, because the projection is neither good nor bad.The image is what we don’t want to see, what we’re afraid to see. Looking into the the mirror with judgment,makes clarity difficult and devalues who you think you are.


We all see things we don’t want to see, but our unconscious reflects what is important for us by the only means available. This is a gift in disguise.


You may recall the Law of Attraction which simply states that as you resonate, so you attract. In order to have a relationship with a partner who values you, you must value yourself. If you don’t, the only way to change the situation is finding a way, from the inside, to value yourself.


Too often, people see that others do not value them and mistakenly conclude that they are not valuable. In fact, if you don’t value yourself you will look for and find confirmation in the words and actions of everyone around you. In the oft-quoted passage of Matthew 7:7, “Seek and you shall find.”




Your relationship with the universe is also extremely important, because that is the filter through which you view everything and everyone, including yourself. The importance of this cannot be overstated. This filter governs how you interpret the actions of people around you and what you imagine their intentions toward you are. This, in turn, influences how you respond to them.


Albert Einstein said, “The most important decision we make is whether we believe we live in a friendly or hostile universe.” He didn’t say why this is our most important decision or which was the better choice. Let’s explore these choices and their implications.


Imagine that you are in a hostile place where you can’t trust the people around you. You don’t know when or how they might strike at you, but you’re sure that, sooner or later, they will. Mumbled phrases become probable threats. Adrenaline flowing and stressed, you remain on the defensive and constantly prepared for the inevitable attack that could come from anywhere.


In order to survive in this hostile universe, you must be on guard and resistant to everything. You live in constant fear.


What’s wrong with being on the ready for danger? What’s wrong with resisting dangerous things? Our ancestors, the cavemen and women did and were protected from lions and tigers and bears. That makes sense to me.


For one thing, you can’t selectively resist energy. Your wall keeps everyone out. Have you ever tried getting through to someone who is resistant and closed? Not an easy task!. When you resist anger from one source, you resist love as well from all sources. Think of a kinked garden hose that blocks the flow of all water, not just the unwanted particles.


Now imagine that you’re in a friendly place where you trust everyone. Everyone is nice to you, looking out for your best interest. Mumbled phrases are probable compliments. People offer assistance at every turn. You’re at ease and happily going with the flow, because the flow is taking you to pleasant places.


That sounds good to me. What could be wrong with that? Maybe nothing, but what happens when you encounter someone who decides to slap you in the face? How would you handle that?




Will you choose universe nasty or universe nice? I see the universe as a very big place where friend and foe reside. No one’s life is so charmed that no adversity crosses her path. (At least no one I know.)


I was born into a hostile land. I’ve moved to a place that is sometimes friendly and sometimes not so much. I work to make my place increasingly friendly by noticing and appreciating things that please me. I also notice things that are not so pleasant and tend to them from within.


In difficult times, I am comforted by the passage from ‘A Course in Miracles’ (Chapter 18, section 4:”If you knew Who walks beside you on THIS way, which YOU have chosen, fear would be impossible.”


I can’t really get my arms around the enormity of the universe, but I can sense my immediate surroundings. Whenever I shift my focus to the presence I feel behind me and, I find comfort and support.


I predict that to the extent you trust and connect to the powerful and loving presence that constantly graces you(even if you cannot sense that presence at first), you will move through life with more fulfillment and ease—no matter what.


If you come to the place where you feel that you are not alone, no matter your circumstances, you will experience the universe as a friendly place starting with your corner. You can arrive at a place where you understand that everything in your path has been placed there on your behalf—even if it feels really bad.


As for me, I’m working on it.


Intuition expert Marla Bollak works with midlife women to create the rest of their lives. She awakens them to intuition, their most powerful tool, and teaches them how to align with their highest potential. Her websites are and



Sandi Tomlin-Sutker
Written by Sandi Tomlin-Sutker