| By Tina FireWolf |
An ache and a longing call out from within: from beneath our feelings of loneliness, emptiness, of being lost. The ache is a call begging us to come home to our innermost Self. With saintly patience, on bended knee, it awaits our return. This presence, this connection is your truth, your Beloved. She wants you to come home to the ultimate relationship with your Authentic Voice –Self.Time passes, and we disconnect. Don’t beat yourself up. It happens to all of us to some degree. Searching for soul mates, we forget that each of us is our own lover and best friend. Slowly, and ever so subtly, we give ourselves away to the American dream, security, fitting in, and to inherited beliefs. Further strengthening our disconnection, we walk away from ourselves in moments of indecision, fear, and unbridled emotion. Often we turn to another person rather than turning inward to our Self for comfort and direction.
How do we stop this leak? How do we return to this grand connection, to our deepest inner knowing, to our beloved Self who longs for our return?
Like anything in life, reclaiming of Self is a journey, not a race. A well-paced incremental growth process starts with becoming aware of leaks within our connection to Self.
I spent three years hearing, “Sit in the silence—go within.” I swear if I could have found that voice I would have very politely strangled it! But the call just kept pulling me further inward. I remember being at a women’s gathering looking at books others had brought to share when I heard very clearly, “The answers lie within.” I dropped the book. It was time I stopped looking. If I looked outside of myself for guidance of any kind I would hear, “Sit in the silence.” I spent an entire summer submerged in the alpine-fed creeks near my California home trying to get under the chatter in my head and trying to quell that fire to hear my authentic voice. The mind’s voice had no intention of allowing me to hear it.
There were days my mind asked, “Just how much further in are we talking about?” It made excuses and told me romanticized stories of what a “spiritual” life looked like. Apparently, my mind felt that to honor the call of my authentic voice I needed to shave my head and wear a rough-hewn robe. Then the mind told me fanciful stories of how I had to be sequestered in some distant foreign land.
What did I learn? That it is paramount to be consciously aware of what voice you are listening to in your head! The ego is a trickster with no intention of releasing the helm of your life. I am here to tell you that silence, inner peace, and your authentic voice are there all the time… just like when you perch your glasses on top of your head then rush around searching for them; they are right there the entire time waiting patiently for you to find them.
These days, my definition of a “spiritual life” is one lived with great awareness of the inner and outer worlds and my interface with them. I have found that it is through taking time to rebuild this connection to both worlds that I come home to my Beloved, to my Self… to my authentic voice within.
Life teaches us to look outside ourselves. We set ourselves aside by asking for others’ opinions before we ask ourselves. We ask other people if what we are doing is right or not. We ask, “What do you think?” We call others to celebrate with us instead of first celebrating ourselves. We call a friend and have them work through a situation or emotion with us, instead of first sitting with ourselves and doing this work. This is where our power and strength come from: learning to be with ourselves first no matter how we show up.
Being home for Thanksgiving, I swam in age-old patterns played out over time. A family member called me to ask what I was wearing to dinner. I thought to myself, “Wow, are we still doing that? Not making our own decisions, but basing them on the actions of others?” I replied, “I plan to take a shower and then ask myself what I feel like wearing, jeans or a skirt.”
Even as we age, there can still be a deep sense of wanting to fit in. Instantly, we seek outside ourselves for answers that agree with the status quo. In that simple moment, I had the opportunity to remain aware and default to my inner self for the correct answer, not decide based on what was perceived as acceptable outside of myself. This may seem simple, but when you really tune into this you will start to see a plethora of tiny ways that you give your connection to Self away. Reclaiming this authenticity in our lives is like building a “muscle.” The muscle of this ultimate relationship further strengthens as one practices going within, asking questions, and listening for answers from Self first.
Building muscles can be painful, a slow process. Enjoy the adventure of cultivating your inner world. Your Self doesn’t care how sloppy you are, it just wants you to begin. One easy way to regain a relationship with yourself is to take time and tune into your authentic voice. Take time to ask yourself questions. Get to know one another again; practice putting your Self first. Meaning: your “go to-gal” is you!
No matter what you are experiencing, first and foremost sit still, and fully experience this with yourself. Don’t call someone and talk away the pain. Don’t call someone and give away your joy. Sit with yourself and feel what is flowing. Honor your process. If you are at a place in your life where you have lots of questions on which direction to go, sit and ask yourself before asking another. There is no question too big or small; from “What is my purpose?” to “What would you like to wear today?”
The key is learning to determine where your answer comes from. You will hear your chitchatting mind running on like an amped-up hamster on her wheel, usually a negative mixture of fear and doom. Surely not the muscle you wish to build. Listen to it with love, and thank it for suggestions while sending it on its way.
The next voice you may encounter is your heart’s voice, flowery and childlike, at times filled with love and wanting. Take time to sink deeper into the stillness past the heart’s voice to where your Beloved lies: your Authentic Voice. This solid, wise voice feels like honey-luscious love guiding you from a strength that you sense is your truth. When it rises, it washes over and through you. This is the muscle you want to build. This is the ultimate relationship we each have sought outside of ourselves, perhaps for years.
The call arrives softly at first, like a soothing coo. If ignored for too long the call becomes like a bull in a china shop, crashing and banging you awake.
However it arrives, let it call you to come home to know your truth, bringing you to your knees to fall fetal and weep for your lost time together. Cradle yourself as your essence rises from within, washing upon your lips like candy kisses in the rain. Lay shaken to your core, penetrated with the knowing that you are your own lover, confidant, guide, and best friend. Day after day, keep diving within… this is the greatest gift you can give to your Self.
Tina FireWolf is a Facilitator of Remembering, combining her feral farm girl upbringing, and experiential background in Science & Leadership with her rockin’ multi-dimensional healing abilities. Tina is Igniting the World to elevate & navigate their human experience and stop their spiritual spin. She shares the HOW of Self Leadership & Personal Healing by facilitating the “Remembering” – Empowering us to sing our Souls free and lead Everyday Enlightened Lives. Purchase her Contemplative Photography Book Beneath the Chatter: the wise self awaits or her CD Medicine Within – Vocalizations to Free Your Soul at TinaFireWolf.com or connect for a free consultation call.