Awakening to Love
Awakening to Love
Skye Stanton Gold
Angel, Watercolor by Lucia Alba
I’ve been blessed with two of the most incredible, life-altering miracles that anyone could ask for. Both of these had to do with the arrival of two seemingly different kinds of love in my life. Actually, it was I who arrived. The love was always there.
For as far back as I can remember, my heart dreamed of love, but my mind was too busy working, striving, obsessed with my career.
That changed when I was 34 years old, in an event that altered the course of my life. While hiking through one of the last remaining virgin redwood forests (which have been spared the loggers saw as well as the trail-makers boot and shovel), I had a “mystical” experience. The experience went against everything that I held to be true.
But it was so “real” so powerful, I couldn’t deny it.
Once safely back on familiar turf in New York City, I tried to forget my little flight beyond the confines of the flesh. But it persisted despite my best efforts. I finally gave in and followed an unrelenting urge to begin running.
As months dissolved into years, and the spiritual/metaphysical began to wash into my practical worldly existence, I found myself running six, ten, fifteen miles on a daily basis. I never pushed or set goals, I just let it all happen organically, while trying to juggle the diverse elements in my life.
At some point in each run visions, lights, colors, would appear before me. Other times, I was able to “see” with crystal clarity. And, oh, those feelings! Moments of joy, bliss, fullness, and an opening of the heart as if it were a rose unfolding, filling me with its warm, pink, loving light.
I don’t remember the exact moment I made the decision to turn my back on life in Manhattan and depart for Los Angeles. I didn’t tell anyone where I was going or what I was planning to do. I just packed a single suitcase and walked away from the security of my home, my possessions, my all-consuming career, my family and friends. I boarded a flight to the land of eternal sun and sculpted bodies. Even though I had cut myself loose from all the anchors that provide a sense of earthly security, I didn’t see myself as making sacrifices—because once in la la land, my journey accelerated as if powered by rocket fuel.
Despite those moments of bliss, the loneliness tore at my heart and made life difficult to endure. When you cut out all the busyness, you can no longer hide from your feelings. And what I felt was the intense loneliness I had been running from all my life. What I wanted more than anything else—even spiritual mastery—was a loving partner, someone with whom I could open myself up totally and completely, with whom I would feel so connected, we would be as one.
It was during the darkest, bleakest moments that love entered my life.
The first bolt of lightning hit about a year and a half after I moved to L.A. Echoes of a childhood spent in near isolation, plus the loneliness I’d experienced since dropping out of the everyday world, reached a resounding crescendo, and I felt as if I couldn’t go on anymore. I sat down to meditate in an attempt to ease the hurt. Before I knew it, the walls of the room, as well as my body, dissolved. In what felt like an instant of Earth’s time, I was in a universe infinitely more spectacular than any photo or artist’s rendering the scientific community has yet produced.
It would be difficult to describe the entire event—which lasted the better part of an afternoon—for there are no words, no reference points, for what I experienced. What shook the very foundation of my being more than anything else, was the distinct voice that was speaking to me from inside. That voice was different in tone, pitch, cadence, and feeling, than the inner voice that was always chattering away in my head, the voice I had always assumed was “me.”
This “voice” informed me that I had birthed him—actually birthed myself— and indeed, at one point it felt as if waves of contractions were propelling me along a universal birth canal, until I was delivered into a cradling whiteness; brilliant, intense, and soft, all at the same time.
That deep, smooth, honey-toned voice went on to say that he was my “Higher Self,” my essence, the part of me beyond the mind, beyond earthly conditioning and socialization, beyond fear and anger. That he, rather I—it was all so confusing—was all-knowing, infallible.
I must confess that I did not greet the emergence of my “Essence” graciously or respectfully. But this “Higher Self”—who, when asked his name, chuckled and identified himself as Alimar— was not only unflappable, but infinitely patient, compassionate, and most of all, deliciously loving.
Nine days later, the second bolt of lightning struck. I walked into a room and met my beloved Lucia. The instant I set eyes on her, she owned my heart. In that first millisecond I fell hopelessly, inextricably, in love. Before we even exchanged a single word, I knew with unshakable knowing, that she was the one I had been searching for my whole life.
I soon discovered that Lucia was involved with another man, and in three weeks they would be leaving to live together at his house in Colorado. Instead of becoming lovers, I reluctantly entered into a deep friendship. Lucia was the most unique person I had ever met. She was a wild, free spirit—brilliant, funny, full of passion and life. The day she left Los Angeles, was the most miserable day of my life.
In the months that followed, Alimar attempted to console me, but, oh, how I fought it. Even though the guidance was exceptionally wise and would have saved me a great deal of grief had I listened, the skeptic (the one who still had one and a half feet rooted in the material-rational world) still wasn’t buying it. Even though my spiritual journey was evolving at an even more accelerated pace than before, not a moment went by when I didn’t think of Lucia, or feel the excruciating pain of her absence.
Nine months later, it was looking like the end of the world once more. Once I’d had a Porsche and a luxurious apartment full of expensive antiques. I now had no home of my own, no car, no career, and the few people I felt a kinship with had left Los Angeles. Most important of all, I had no love in my life. I wasn’t frightened, just distraught. I was living like a teenage runaway, and in my own and society’s mirror, I was an absolute failure. As for my Higher Self—well, where had that gotten me?
Regrets and recrimination ricocheted through the corridors of my mind. In response, Alimar lovingly told me not to worry, that everything would work out. I discounted his sage guidance, still not sure if I was making the whole thing up. Quitting had never been an option before. But now I was contemplating giving up all this nonsense, and returning to Manhattan to see if I could pick up the pieces of my abandoned life and career.
At the height of my despair, two major events occurred almost simultaneously. Shortly after my arrival in Los Angeles I had met an agent at a meditation retreat, who had felt she could sell the two screenplays I had written before departing New York. After leaving them with her, I completely forgot about it. Suddenly, out of the blue, she called to inform me that both properties had been sold for a substantial sum of money. That same afternoon, I was invited to a party as a reward for coming to the aid of an acquaintance in distress.
The party turned out to be fun. During a lull, I was about to go outside for a breath of fresh air, when the huge double doors at the entrance swung open and Lucia swept into the room—and back into my life. Her relationship hadn’t worked out, and she was free!
Lucia and I spent a great deal of time together the next few days, still as friends, not lovers. I kept telling myself that she would probably leave soon, and be out of my life. But instead of leaving town, she rented a house in Malibu, sight unseen. When she finally did see it, she was so distraught; I took a great risk and told her about Alimar. And then I offered to see if my Higher Self would speak out loud to help her. That experience was so electric, it altered the course of both of our lives forever.
At first we agreed to spend the next thirty days together. Personally, I didn’t think we would last forty-eight hours. But with Alimar in the picture it was a whole different story. A short time later, Glorious Light, Lucia’s Higher Self, joined us—and those thirty days have stretched into twenty-nine years.
Lucia is not only my lover and companion and journey-mate, she is my teacher and my best friend. Even after 10,645 days and nights, (255,480 hours as of this writing) that we’ve been together physically and consciously, I am still in awe of her magnificence and brilliance.
But, if you think it was all violins, smooth sailing, and they lived happily ever after, guess again. Both of us have extremely independent, strong-willed, passionate, headstrong personalities. And that can be an explosive combination.
Without the sage, loving guidance of our Higher Selves, we never would have made it through the early years (and some of the later ones).
Relationship on this level of intimacy without boundaries or outer distractions, has been the most difficult challenge of our lives. We’ve confronted our worst fears and our most powerful demons. We’ve been tested in situations that would have driven an irreparable wedge between most couples. But having Glorious Light and Alimar in our lives has allowed us to defuse the destructive emotions and dissolve the barriers that keep people separate even when they are physically together. After all these years, our love continues to grow and evolve. There are no mental or physical walls, no secrets between us, yet we haven’t lost our individuality, or the spark of joy and excitement that being together brings. We are rarely apart, yet we never tire of each other.
It is our deepest desire that by going public with our story, many others may be inspired to connect with their Higher Selves, and realize that eternal, everlasting, unconditional love is not only possible, it can serve as a vehicle for the biggest miracle of all—union with the Divine.
© 2011, Skye Stanton Gold
Lucia and Skye & their Higher Selves, work as a team to assist and guide individuals and couples in a dynamic process of transformation encompassing one, or all aspects of their lives–empowerment, relationship, career, creativity, maintaining healthful ageless bodies– as well as mastering the mind & evolution to states of Higher Consciousness. They can be reached at ANewWayofBeing@gmail.com & SecretsOfEternalYouth@gmail.com