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back to school
by lisa horak

Two years ago, with my heart cleaved in two, I wrote in this magazine about my eldest daughter Molly heading off to kindergarten. This year, my youngest daughter Isabel will make that great leap, and once again I’m not ready for it. In a way though, thanks to Molly’s experience, I know that I will survive Isabel’s transition from preschool to “big kid school,” as she calls it.
But an even more daunting transition lies ahead for us, as I too will also begin attending a big, scary, new school this fall. And I’m as nervous as Isabel at the prospect of not knowing a soul, having lots of homework, and (unlike her) running a busy household complete with carpool duties, being a Brownie leader, cooking dinner, and all the rest.
I’m going back to get a teaching license so that I may eventually teach elementary school. It has not been an easy decision to add “full-time student” to my current status as full-time mom. Quite the contrary. I have agonized about this next stage since the day I stopped working nearly eight years ago, when Molly was born.
Apart from all that fruitless worrying, I have relished this time at home. These preschool years have been priceless—the field trips to the pumpkin patch and the apple orchard, the story times at the library, early morning playdates, and having a little helper with me at the grocery store begging for a cookie.
But with Isabel in elementary school, I will be on my own for most of each day. I will miss her companionship. I think that part of why I’m drawn to teaching is that as my own kids grow up and move on, I can remain surrounded by young children. I love their innocence and inherent sweetness, their gentle nature and pure desire to simply play and be loved. And besides, this way, I’m guaranteed an annual field trip to the pumpkin patch.
I am, of course, apprehensive about all of this change. I haven’t been a student in more than 15 years, when computers, let alone laptops, were a rare sight on campus. Now everything from research to registration is done on-line. I will be surrounded by classmates who are half my age. For most of them, attending class will be their only full-time responsibility. I will be well outside my comfort zone. I only hope and pray that I have compassionate teachers and peers, for when my kids are sick or their school closes early for snow, I will be absent as well, since my family will always come first. I hope the teachers understand.
It’s funny how things work out. Teaching is not the career I envisioned as an undergraduate. I studied political science at Duke University and thought I would change the world by working for worthy non-profit organizations. That was all well and good until my kids came along, and then I chose to change the world one little person at a time. I wish one of my Women’s Studies teachers had cautioned me to consider this stage of my life when deciding my initial career path. Right out of school I never thought ahead to what would be a family-friendly job. Now all I want is to be with my kids in the evenings, weekends, and summers.
Lest you think I only feel dread, I must admit that I am looking forward getting some cool school supplies. Again, I’m just like my kids. Isabel was dreading kindergarten until we got her Crayola markers, box of 24 crayons, and other essentials. I recently discovered a new variety of blue ballpoint Bic pens, and I think I may treat myself to a ten-pack, just to get geared up and in the mood for my return to academia. I mean, if you don’t feel good about the pen, how can you feel good about the notes you’re taking?
It’s going to be quite a juggling act but one that I hope will put me on a path that is truly right for me. I doubt I’ll have much time for writing once classes begin. So for now, I will say farewell as I cross the threshold into the next stage of my life.

Lisa Horak lives in south Asheville with her husband and two daughters, Molly and Isabel. In her spare time she hikes, makes beaded silverware, knits, volunteers in classrooms, leads a Brownie troop, and dreams of writing children’s books.



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