when a prayer isn't answered
by annaleah atkinson

I remember being a 20 year old woman in a failing marriage, and praying for it to heal, and last.

The prayer wasn’t answered. At first I was confused and depressed. It was the first real time in my life that prayer had failed. It was only in hindsight that I realized that I could never have fulfilled my life in a way that brought me joy and contentment with that man as a mate.

One time after a difficult period in my life, I prayed for a lovely apartment in VA Beach to live in. I found it, signed a lease, only to have the landlord cancel it two weeks later. In hindsight, it would have placed a difficult financial burden on me. My son and I ended up co-housing with another woman and her son, closer to the ocean, and for much less money, which allowed me to put my son in a fine Montessori school. It was interesting to me that I DID get the contract. In a sense, my prayer had been answered. I needed that confirmation as a sign of God’s love for me, but since it wasn’t the highest good for us, it was removed. What a relief, really. Luckily for us there is a spiritual part of us that truly knows what is for our “highest good”.

I could talk about how “The Lord’s Prayer” is a balanced wonderful prayer that can be used by nearly anyone for the highest good for that being and the planet. However, I would like to direct you to the preceding text. Immediately before Jesus gave his “model prayer” he said, “Your Father knoweth what things ye have need of, before ye ask him.” (Matt. 6:8) In other words, your soul and heart’s supplications are your prayers. Sometimes they are wordless. You may be exhausted and be crying inwardly “Help”. It may even just be a groan.

We are multi-dimensional beings. We have a body, mind, feelings, and spirit which may be making different prayers, yet we may only be aware of the mind’s, or emotional body’s. I may pray to be healed from a crippling disease because I think that I want that. So why do I still have it? Because at some level I believe that it serves me. I may think that I am unworthy of love, so I will settle for sympathy instead. I may think that I can’t take the respite I need from career to do my life’s work, but if I have a disability, I will receive monetary compensation. A friend of a friend was crippled by polio. With prayer a group of people began working with him, offering various therapies. His legs strengthened to the point where he was able to use crutches, and then he abandoned the work. He didn’t know how to relate to people as a well person, and wanted to continue to receive the sympathies and attention he received. I offer no judgment of any of this. We came to a free will planet to experience the fulfillment of our dreams of living in a 3-D world. If one’s dream life is to experience pain, then this is the place to do it. We have no body and therefore are physically pain free in our natural state of spirit. We cannot know another’s heart prayers. What we think someone “should” want is just arrogance on our part. But I believe with all my heart and all my soul, and all my mind, that God doesn’t demand suffering for mistakes we have made. (S)he just wants us to be truly happy, living our dream life. If God asks us to forgive, then God also forgives. What we all need is unconditional love. We are never wrong when we offer that to someone.

 

Annaleah Atkinson M. Ed., is an interfaith minister who assists others in their spiritual reawakening, is on the board of the Asheville Mediation Center, a co-steward of Spirit Haven, a spiritual retreat center near Asheville, NC., and author of To Call Every Woman a Sister. To reach her, or learn more about Spirit Haven visit spirithaven.net.