women in recovery: part two
sandi tomlin-sutker

Addiction is a debilitating disease. It is excruciating for the addict and for their families. It creates turmoil and violence in society. But it seems most devastating for women. Because women bear the children, and bear most of the burden of child-care, their addiction is doubly problematic. At the least, children may be born with low birth weight and health problems; at the worst children may be born with fetal alcohol syndrome or crack addiction. From that moment, the children, the mothers and all of us pay a painful price. What can we do? What help exists right now? Part two of our series focuses again on the Mary Benson House, a program for pregnant women with alcohol and drug problems.

About eight or nine years ago, a group of people involved in substance abuse treatment conceived the idea for this program. One of those people was Mary Benson, a long-time recovering alcoholic who was influential in recovery and treatment programs. Sadly, she did not see the program come to fruition. In her late 50’s, she died in a local hospice from breast cancer. To honor her efforts and her memory, the program was named after her when it began a couple of years after her death.

Last month WNCWOMAN interviewed Beverly Kaiser, the program supervisor. For this issue, we interviewed Stephanie Mendolson, the staff counselor.

Getting an interview with Stephanie wasn’t easy this month. As sometimes happens, there was a flurry of new women moving into the house. Stephanie’s job includes screening these women, doing the formal intake and evaluation. Once the woman is accepted into the program, Stephanie begins a process that will continue throughout the woman’s residency – a time the staff hopes will be at least nine months, preferably a full year. She tells me that a primary objective and one that helps determine a woman’s success here, is goal setting. Goal setting is part of a process that helps these women develop personal responsibility and the ability to deal with day-to-day realities.

Stephanie is careful about her clients’ privacy so she gives me this typical description of a woman "Jill" coming into this program. She has three children, ages one year, two and a half, and five. Jill is 26 years old, has been addicted to alcohol since she was seventeen. Jill was a good student until about age 13 when things went downhill fast. She never told anyone that her stepfather had sexually abused her. To numb her shame and pain, Jill turned to alcohol and later on, crack-cocaine. Her children have different fathers: Jill isn’t sure who two of them are. In her kids’ short lives they have lived sometimes with Jill, sometimes with various family members, and once in foster care for a few months. At a crucial moment, Social Services referred Jill to the Mary Benson House. She could live there for a year with her children. She would have security, responsibilities, support and treatment.
Women like “Jill”, and her children, have huge needs when they come to Mary Benson House. The program—part of Blue Ridge Mental Health services—provides many of these needs in-house and many of them from the community. Stephanie counsels each woman one-on-one and facilitates group meetings weekly.

The trauma the children have suffered as a result of their mother’s addiction damages the mother/child bond; to help her reestablish her role in the family, parenting classes are vital. To help her gain some measure of understanding and control over her thoughts and emotions, these women attend Pathways of Change, an outpatient treatment program.

Many addicts have “dual diagnoses”, which simply means they have other mental health problems: depression, OCD, anxiety, bi-polar disorder, etc. Stephanie is able to call on the Blue Ridge Center for help from the staff Psychiatrist for additional support for these women. Once their therapeutic needs are taken care of, the next step is to help them prepare to live their lives once they leave this program. Goal setting and money management are primary but typically the addict’s lifestyle has destroyed these skills. From food stamps to jobs to healthcare to childcare, these women need direction and support.

In last month’s issue we discussed how the Mary Benson House program addresses these needs. This month, I wondered what happens once the woman leaves and is on her own again. Stephanie talks about the difficulties and the possibilities: “It helps if she will stay the entire year. This time period seems necessary to help her learn basic life skills and to get support systems in place.” I ask for a specific example of what works and she tells me again about “Jill”. “For one thing, she truly made a decision to change her life - I hesitate to say “commitment” because that implies will-power and that’s not what it’s about. She wanted something more and determined to keep working at it. When I’ve talked to her over the years, she says things like ‘I can understand why women relapse! This is hard!!’ – yet, she maintains her support network, she asks for help, she continues to go to meetings.”

I ask if there is any follow-up with these women once they leave here? “We don’t have the funding for that. She has to go on to other support networks. Women and their kids can come back for dinner once a week. That gives her a link to us, and provides some continuity. It is also good for the new clients to see success, to see another woman make it, learn to cope, and take care of her kids and her life.”

Finally, I wonder what will happen next year when Blue Ridge’s funding is cut. Stephanie’s face reveals a bit of fear, a bit of frustration. “No one really knows! For the program to continue, a private non-profit will have to take our contract. We don’t know who that will be or what changes they will make.” A major problem she knows will emerge is that there will no longer be a staff psychiatrist to call on – and there are NO psychiatrists in the Asheville area who accept Medicaid. Stephanie is at a loss about what will happen to those women who need medication and treatment but have no money for it.

Next issue we’ll look at the long-term prospects for recovery: twelve-step and sixteen-step programs.